Search
  • TINA GRAY

RTT Therapy: From Pain to Love Through Manifestation

Updated: Mar 25

Before I met my partner, I wasn’t so lucky in love. I was a victim of domestic violence for seven years. Even though I am a strong woman, I was still susceptible to attracting the wrong man into my life. Most victims of domestic violence are strong, they have to be to survive it!

For me, it wasn’t the physical abuse that really affected me, it was the emotional and mental abuse that shattered my self-confidence and stripped me of my identity. I didn’t know who I was anymore. And my health was suffering, I broke out in boils all over my back and my hair was falling out from the stress.


My face usually escaped the bruises, but from my neck down, I was a mess.

I managed to escape that relationship at the age of 25, but the emotional scars stayed with me long after I left. I was in a cycle of self-sabotage, as a survival mechanism I immersed myself into a life of late nights, drinking and drugs, surrounding myself with people I did not have to connect with on a deeper level, so I wouldn’t get hurt again. I managed to hold down my job in the city, on the outside nobody knew.


I got to the point where I was spiralling out of control, and on a few occasions I had put myself in dangerous situations.

Until I met a guy through work, who was kind and gentle. We decided to escape this world I had created, for a new life in Australia. Deep down, I knew he wasn’t the one for me, I knew I wasn’t ready to be loved. How could he love me, if I didn’t even love myself?

I had built a huge wall of protection around me, and no one could get beyond it to see the real me. My ex-husband was also escaping his own demons.

Inevitably, our marriage failed, but I walked away with two beautiful children and a deeper understanding of myself. Being on my own, raising children, was when I really started to heal.

After this marriage breakdown I couldn’t continue in these destructive patterns anymore, I had to create my future, I had to be really clear about what it was that I wanted for me.

So I tuned into my spiritual side, I started to really focus on what I wanted, rather than what I didn’t. I started to question my beliefs, the ones I thought were true of myself.



All men hurt you

Love is scary

Love is painful

When you let people in, they let you down

I’m not worthy of love

I don’t deserve love

When men really get to know me they will see I’m not good enough

I’m damaged


Becoming Clear in Love

So I decided to get clear about love – Self-love!

I wrote down a few essentials that I wanted in a man - funny, honest and kind. That list soon grew into a comprehensively, detailed list of ‘exactly’ what I wanted, right down to the kind of relationship I wanted him to have with my kids, the way we interacted at social events, and the intimate details of love-making.

This simple exercise revealed so much to me, that through the process of finding out what I truly wanted and deserved, I was altering my mind so that I could receive who would reflect what I deserved back to me.

This whole process was inextricably tied up in my feelings of self-worth and self-love. I had simply just transformed my thoughts and feelings into ones of deep love and reverence for myself.


What Does Love Mean to You?

The first step to manifesting your man is to be really clear about what you want, how you want to be seen, treated and how you want to feel in a relationship. You need to really understand what love and relationships mean to you.

It’s what you say to yourself on a daily basis that matters. Think about what you are grateful for, what acts of love you have received from people, and really appreciate them for what they are. And equally, what you can do for others? It may be a simple act of kindness towards a neighbour or someone at work, which helps you recognise what love is.

Sometimes we can get so absorbed in self-pity, we can become quite insular, and shut away from the world. Doing acts of love for others helps you be open to receive love. When you give, it makes you feel better. Think about how it feels to give to people who appreciate it, but if they don’t, try to recognise why they are not open to receiving it.


What’s Your Language of Love?

Start by thinking about the language of love, what makes you feel loved?

Is it words of affirmations that are important to you, saying ‘I love you’ or ‘you look beautiful in that dress’? Or is it quality time, going out for meals together, just snuggling watching a movie on the sofa? Or perhaps is it acts of service, knowing your man will show up when you need him, or giving and receiving gifts?

Think about your desired outcome too. If a life-long till death do us part relationship is what you want, ask for that. If it’s travel, ask for an adventurous spirit. Equally, think about what sort of lover you want to be when your man shows up. Pouring into each other in a balanced way is as equally important as you receiving what you deserve.

When you’re building your perfect relationship, use your imagination, go deep and be specific.


And remember, have fun! And be open to receiving exactly what you want, so maybe get a friend who knows you really well to go over your list to make sure you haven’t left out any key points.



If you’re having trouble finding your language of love, and diving into that part of you that holds the key to self-love, try my free hypnotherapy self-love audio below, to guide you with positive affirmations to help you learn a new way of speaking to yourself.

Having a hypnotherapy session with a Rapid Transformational Therapist can also help you deep dive into your subconscious mind to uncover where the negative thoughts and feelings come from, in a safe and caring space.


Book a free 20 minute consultation with Tina today.

Download my free RTT Self-Love Audio